Albino Pygmy Doggie
by Mandrell
Summary: After a heavy dispute with Edward, who claims him to be small, Clam loses his mind and suddenly starts behaving like a dog! First Lazlo and Raj try to get along with their new 'pet', but then their rhino dog is causing more and more trouble in camp...
1. A Heavy Dispute

**Albino Pygmy Doggie**

**Chapter 1: A Heavy Dispute**

It is early morning in Camp Kidney and only a few Bean Scouts are already up on their feet. Clam the little albino pygmy rhino is sitting near the flag pole sniffing a beautiful flower. "Ah! Smells good!" he finds out and within the next moment he eats it up! Clam has just finished his meal by producing a big burp, when he sees Edward and the two dung beetles Chip & Skip passing by. Edward is in the mood of picking on people this morning. He sees Clam sitting on the ground peacefully and comes up to him. "Clam is the smallest - Clam is the smallest!" Edward shouts, laughing out loud. Chip & Skip must laugh, too, although seemingly not knowing what they are supposed to laugh about, anyway. Clam does not get it either. "No...ahm...Clam just sitting!" he explains to the platypus. Edward bursts out laughing again. "Hahaha! You could stand on Big Mount Whitehead and still you'd be the smallest creature in camp!" he claims.

Clam gets angry and faces Edward. "Clam not small!" he shouts hopping up and down. "Stop blaring around here," the platypus instructs him, "you're waking up the whole camp! And stop hopping permanently! You're hopping on my nerves! Got it?!" "Yeah?" the rhino yells. "Yeah!" the platypus yells back, just enraging the little rhino even more. "Clam hop when Clam want to hop!" Clam shouts at Edward shaking his fists and starts hopping around the whole place blaring "Hop-Hop-Hop!" all along, making Edward grumble.  
Meanwhile the whole camp is awake and the campers are gathering around the two squabblers. "Edward? Why is Clam hopping around like a kangarooh?" Lazlo wants to know. "I don't know! Maybe because he is small AND stupid!" Edward suggests and is about to leave. But Clam is still furious. "Clam not small - Clam not small!", he shouts hopping up and down more wildly. Now Edward is getting furious, too and turns red in his face. "Grrr! If you're not small, then I'm Elvis!" he exclaims. "Wow! Edward is Elvis!" Chip states. "Hey, Ed-Man! Love me tender!" Skip shouts. The two dung beetles start singing "Love Me Tender!" until Edwards advices them to stop this crap. "I have had enough babbling for one morning!" he decides and walks away, but then he holds on for a moment. "And enough of little pygmy rhinos!" he adds. Clam is about to run after Edward, but Lazlo tharfs his friend and holds him tight, although Clam is struggling in the air while fiercly shaking his fists and wants to move on anyway. "Stop it, Clam!", Lazlo calls upon his friend, "Don't you see Edward is just trying to pick on you? Don't let him have his fun!" "But..." Clam tries to explain himself. "No, Clam! It's enough now!" Lazlo confirms. "Yes, Clam!" Raj agrees, "My mother always says, the wiser head gives in!"

"Come on, Clam! Let's head for breakfast!" Lazlo suggests. "Clam to be carried!" Clam begs him, plucking on Lazlos shirt. "Sure, Clam!" Lazlo agrees, picking up the little rhino and cradling it, as the three Jelly Beans are walking over to the mess hall. "Hey Clam! You've become quite heavy!" Lazlo states. "Heavy! Clam good eater!" the rhino explains.


	2. In the Mess Hall

**Chapter 2: In the Mess Hall**

A few moments later the Jellies are standing in line inside the mess hall for getting breakfast. Clam is still on Lazlo's arm carrying a tray. Edward is standing right behind them. "Hmmm, what for breakfast this morning", the platypus ponders. "Well, I think, I'll just have a SMALL breakfast today!" By hearing the word "small", Clam turns his head and looks over to Edward immediately, who is still thinking. "Let's see: I think I'm gonna have a liiiitle slice of toast and a liiiiitle portion of ham and eggs..." Clam frows and does not seem to like this at all. But Edward still has not finished his order. "...and maybe some tiiiiny waffles will do, along with a smaaaaall glass of milk!"

That's enough for Clam! He grumbles louder and louder, turns red in his face and suddenly the little rhino starts barking like a dog! Clam jumps off Lazlo's arms, runs to Edward on two legs (not on four like a normal dog), growling at him and baring his teeths. "Hey Clam! Would you speak up, please?" Edward suggests. But the rhino or better the dog just growls even more viciously and within the next moment Clam jumps on Edward! "Clam! Are you crazy? What are you doing... you...you... No, not my new shirt! No!" Edward cries. But it is too late, since Clam already has bitten a huge hole into Edward's shirt and is now chewing on the shred, while Lazlo and Raj are coming to the rescue.

Combining their strengths they finally make it to keep Clam away from Edward. While the two are holding their friend tight, who is struggling furiously, trying to get loose, Edward flees from the mess hall, shouting that he would need an anti-rabies inoculation from Nurse Leslie now.

Being alarmed by all that noise Scoutmaster Lumpus enters. "Lazlo!" he shouts, "What's the meaning of all this? Don't you know the camp rules saying that dogs aren't allowed in the mess hall?" "But Scoutmaster Lumpus," Lazlo explains, "this is Clam!" "Pah! I don't care whether his name is Fluffy, Clam or maybe Fitzgerald or whatever! Just get your dog out of the mess hall, will you?" "OK, guys, let's go!" Lazlo instructs the Jellies. He and Raj leave the building. Clam follows them, panting like a dog, but still walking on two legs. When approaching Lumpus he starts growling again. Lazlo quickly takes Clam by his hand in order to get him away from Lumpus as quick as possible.


	3. A New Pet Sort Of

**Chapter 3: A New Pet (Sort Of...)**

Some time later the Jelly Beans are in the ward with Nurse Leslie. The shark takes some notes on his clipboard while Lazlo and Raj are looking at him seriously whereas Clam is sitting on the floor chewing on a bone. He sits on his butt, not on his legs like normal dogs use to do. "So, Nurse Leslie, what's up with Clam?" Raj asks, being very concerned. "Well, your friend thinks he is a dog", the shark points out. "Wow, how could you possibily find out about that?" Raj mocks on the nurse. "Just professional experience!" Nurse Leslie explains to him. "But what can we do?" Lazlo wants to know. "Well, just feed him once a day and take him for a walk afterwards! He may keep the bone! See you next week!" Leslie says. Raj calls for Clam. "OK, Clam, we're going! Now, back into your box!" The elephant opens a transport box for pets they brought along. Clam comes up to them and lies down in front of Lazlo, wagging his rhino tail, just like dogs use to do when they want to play. "Wow! I didn't know pygmy rhinos could actually wag their tails! How do you do that, Clam?" Raj wants to know. Clam growls at the elephant. "Pardon, Clam! Did you say something?" Raj asks. "Raj, I don't think he likes you to call him a rhino!" Lazlo assumes. "Sorry, I forgot that you're a dog now, Clam!" Raj excuses. Clam nodds his head fiercly and starts panting and wagging his tail again. Lazlo gives him a slight smack on the bum and now Clam picks up the bone with his teeths and gets himself into the transport box. "Now, that's a good dog!" Lazlo commends. Raj closes the box, Lazlo grabs it and they leave.

Lazlo and Raj decide to go into the woods for playing with their new dog. Clam does not wear his Bean Scout uniform any more, but a pink tank top instead along with a dog collar around his neck. Lazlo holds him on a leach while walking, although Clam does not seem to like the leach at all and starts straining on it from time to time. When they reach a large meadow, Lazlo releases Clam from the leach and the rhino-dog starts capering enthusiasticly. Raj has brought a small, red ball with him and Clam keeps on runing after it, catching it with his teeths and bringing it back each time Raj throws the ball. Just then Nina and Gretchen are passing by. "Hi Guys," Nina greets them "what you got there?" Gretchen rolls over the floor laughing when she sees Clam. "So THIS is your new dog? Hahahaha! That's just hilarious! A stupid mutant Bean Scout thinking he is a dog! Hahahaha!" Clam gets very angry, picks up the ball by hand and throws it on Gretchen, hitting her head. When the alligator girl is back on her feet again she hits the road quickly together with Nina. "I'm getting hungry, Lazlo!" Raj says. Clam seems to be hungry, too. He opens his mounth and points a finger to it on and on. "OK, Guys," Lazlo agrees, "let's go back to Camp"


	4. Back in Camp

**Chapter 4: Back in Camp**

When the trio reaches the mess hall, they see a big sign being put next to the entrance. "Lazlo, look!", Raj says. "Hm, that must be new!" Lazlo states, "It says here: "NO DOGS AND BEAN SCOUTS BELIEVING TO BE DOGS ALLOWED IN THIS BUILDING!" Clam first looks at the sign and then at Lazlo and Raj, not getting the point obviously. "Sorry, little buddy. But you have to stay out." Lazlo says and ties the leach up to the sign pole. "Now be a good rhino-doggie and wait here till we get back!" he tells Clam. Clam stands still for a moment, but as soon as Lazlo and Raj have entered the mess hall, he starts whining loud. He finally stops it when Lazlo and Raj get back by bursting out in a joyus bark instead. Raj has brought him his lunch: A can of dog food along with a spoon and a glass of water. He gives the can to Clam, who opens it with his sharp horns and starts gorging the dog food by using the spoon. After having finished his meal, he also eats the spoon and produces a big burp! Clam throws away the can which hovers through the air and hits Samson's head, who has just left his cabin. Meanwhile Clam has drunken his water and eaten the glass, too!

Lazlo unties the leach from the sign pole. "Raj, would you please take Clam for a walk, while I go fetch some more dog supplies from Nurse Leslie?" Lazlo asks his friend. "Alright!", Raj agrees, taking over the leach. "OK, Clam, let's go!" he calls on his dog. Raj takes Clam for a walk through the camp. Clam sniffs at the ground with his nose while walking. Everything works fine until they meet Kirkpatrick, the persian cat scout. Clam is electrified when he sees the cat. "Clam! What's up with you? Clam!" Raj shouts, but within the next moment Clam is already chasing Kirkpatrick around the place barking aloud and trailing a crying Raj at the end of the leach. The cat finally seeks shelter by climbing the flag pole while Clam is running around the pole, trying to catch it. At last the rhino-dog is out of breath, holds on and starts panting, so that Raj is finally able to get him away from the flag pole. After a short rest they continue their walk. "OK, Clam! Do your business. But make it fast!" says Raj releasing Clam from the leach. Clam enters the latrines, a few seconds later a flushing is heard and he comes back. "Clam! Can't you use the bushes like any other dog?" Raj dresses him down. But Clam just shakes himself and throws an ingenuous look at the elephant. Raj puts the leach on his little buddy again. "OK, time to go home, Clam! It's getting late already!" he says. The two make their way back to Jelly Bean cabin.

"Lazlo, we're back!" Raj calls as they enter the cabin. Clam bursts out in a joyus bark when he sees Lazlo and as soon as Raj has taken off the leach from him he, jumps on the monkey and starts licking Lazlo's face while fiercly wagging his tail. "Hey Clam! It's OK, it's OK!" says Lazlo laughing, "Now get down, will you?" Clam listens to him and indeed gets down. He rolls himself over the floor and keeps lying on his back knocking on the floor with his tail. Finally he sits down in front of Lazlo, producing a small lake on the floor by panting the whole time. "Now, time for bed!" Lazlo says, patting Clams head. Clam stands up and within seconds he jumps on Raj's bed, coiling up and attempting to sleep. Raj dresses him down. "Out of my bed!" he shouts, pointing to Clam, "Bad dog! Bad dog!" Clam cowers and starts whining, but Raj stays firm. "Down! Down, I say!" he commands, energetically pointing to the floor. Finally Clam jumps off Raj's bed whimpering and walks over to a small basket which is standing nextby, at the same place where his own bed used to stand when he still was a rhino. Clam gets into the basket, lies down on his back and covers himself with a blanket. "Now that's a good boy!" Raj commends. "Good night, Clam!" Lazlo brings Clam his bone, wishing him a good night, too. Their dog starts chewing on it awhile, but soon falls asleep.


	5. The Intruder

**Chapter 5: The Intruder**

Lazlo and Raj go to bed, too. But in the middle of the night, they awake again, because of Clam barking. The rhino-dog has left his basket, runs over to the front door and starts scratching on it. "Clam? Keep it down, will you?" Raj mumbles, but his dog does not stop scratching while barking and whining continuesly. Now Lazlo is back on his feet, too. "Hey Clam! What's the matter? Did you hear something out there?" he asks. Clam nodds his head fiercly and makes even more noise. "Come on, Raj," Lazlo says, "I think Clam has scented some intruder outside! We better take a look!" "Oh, must we?" Raj grumbles, "Maybe he has just had a bad dream!" "Dogs don't dream, Raj!" Lazlo teaches him. "But rhinos do!" the elephant answers oscitantly and attemps to close his eyes again, when they suddenly hear a noise from outside the cabin, as if somebody is walking around the place. Raj gets frightend and hides himself under his blanket while Clam now starts growling and barking even louder than before. Lazlo quickly opens the door. "Bite, Clam," he commands his dog, "bite!"

Clam runs outside barking and within the next moment a clicking noise can be heard followed by painful screams. Lazlo and Raj take a look and see Scoutmaster Lumpus struggling and trying to get rid of Clam who has sanken his teeths firmly into Lumpus' leg! "Scoutmaster Lumpus!" Lazlo cries in panic, "Are you alright?" He and Raj run over to Lumpus, who gets furious when he sees his two scouts. "Lazlo!" he shouts still struggling his leg in the air with Clam being firmly attached to it, "Get your dog off my leg! Get off! Get off, you beast!" "Out, Clam!" Lazlo commands, "Out! Let him go!" Finally Clam lets Lumpus off and jumps up on Lazlo, licking his owner's hand. "Good boy! It's ok, it's ok!" Lazlo says patting Clams head, so that he calms down and lies down in front of Lazlo. But Lumpus is still angry with his scouts. "Lazlo! Didn't I tell you to keep an eye on your dog?" he asks. "But Scoutmaster Lumpus...", Lazlo tries to explain. "Nah! If you should be unable to look after your dog more faithfully, he will be put down! Got it?!" Lazlo and Raj get scared, while Clam starts growling again. "But you can't do this," Raj shouts agitated, "he is our friend! Our little buddy!" "Scoutmaster Lumpus! Don't you recognize him? It's Clam! He just thinks he is a dog!" Lazlo explains desperately. But Lumpus is not convinced at all. "Ha! I have heard much better excuses already! Now get to bed and remember: Keep an eye on your dog!"

Lazlo puts Clam on his arm, who is still growling at Lumpus as the Scoutmaster leaves and the Jelly Beans return to their cabin. Clam is put back into his basket. Lazlo tusks him in while looking at his friend solicitously, who is whimpering and licking Lazlo's hand again. "Gee, Raj! What are we gonna do with him? We can't let Lumpus getting him put down!" "Maybe we should take him to the sanctuary?" Raj suggests. Lazlo is outraged. "No, we can't do that! How dare you, even thinking about that?!" he shouts at the elephant. "I'm sorry! But if he stays here, Lumpus will get him sooner or later!" Raj interjects. "I think it's time our little buddy turns back to normal again." Lazlo conciders. "But how are we gonna do that?", Raj wants to know. Clam, who has listened to them patiently the whole time, gets off his basket, jumps on Rajs lap and snuggles against the elephant. Raj pats Clam on his back, sighing. "Why can't you just be the normal little albino pygmy rhino you used to be, Clam?" he asks. Clam looks at Raj questioning and waggling his tail weakly, seemingly not understanding what the elephant wants from him. But Lazlo suddenly gets exited. "That's it, Raj! You have just found the key!" "I did?" Raj wonders. "Didn't know I had lost one!" "Yeah! Don't you realize? Little! The whole thing started when Edward told Clam he was little! So all we have to do is to convince Clam that he is not little and he will be cured!" "You really think that will work, Lazlo?" Raj asks, obvisously not being very convinced. "To tell the truth, I don't know, Raj," Lazlo admits. "But this is the only chance we have!" Meanwhile Clam has fallen asleep on Raj's lap.


	6. Marshmellows for Everybody

**Chapter 6: Marshmellows for Everybody**

The next morning Clam is sitting near the flag pole again, chewing on his bone. A few yards along Lazlo and Raj are accompanied by Edward and the two dung beetles Chip & Skip. "What was your plan again, Lazlo?" Skip wants to know. "OK, let's get this over again: Edward, Chip & Skip, you go over to Clam. Then Chip says... Your text, Chip!" "Oh, right!", Chip admits, looking on his note. "Ahm... Hey, Clam, you are really big!" "Good!" Lazlo commends. "Now, you go on, Skip!" Skip slowly reads out his text. "Yes... you... are... really... big... Clam!" "Good! Now it's your turn, Edward!" "Oh man, this is just ridiculous!" Edward remarks, "Can't believe I'm doing this... ahem... I have never seen a bigger pygmy rhino! Wow, what a big pygmy rhino!" "Perfect!", Lazlo judges. "Now, do your best, guys!"

Edward, Chip and Skip go over to Clam. But the two dung beetles have forgotten their texts, already. "Hey Skip! You are really one big platypus!" Chip says. "Hey, that was my text!" Skip claims. The two brothers start arguing with each other while Edwards is looking at Clam, who is still chewing on his bone. The platypus suddenly feels ashamed. "Oh man, that all just happend because I said he was small! I'm..." Edward gulps. "I'm... I'm so sorry!" Clam suddenly is looking glass-eyed. Within the next moment he drops the bone, shakes his head and spits out some bone splitters. "Where am I?", he asks. "Clam! You're back to normal again!", Lazlo realizes. "Hooray! Clam is back! Hooray for Clam!" Soon all the scouts are convented at the flag pole. "Hooray for Clam!" they shout carrying the little rhino on their hands, "Hooray for Clam!" Clams enjoys it very much.

"I think we should have a big marshmellow roasting in honour of our BIG buddy Clam!", Lazlo announces, raising a cheer by the other scouts. But Scoutmaster Lumpus is a wet blanket as always. "Just one minute, scouts! There will be no marshmellow roasting!" the moose makes clear. "Todays full time activities are... well... whasing my car and cleaning up the scoutmaster's cabin! So get to work!" At the same instant he sees Clam who is smiling at him, but giving Lumpus the creeps. "Oh no! Not that dog again!" Lumpus screams. "You want marshmellows? Here you got some!" He hestitately hands over a big sack of marshmellows to Lazlo. "You want more marshellows? No problem!" Lumpus starts running to and fro, carrying more and more marshmellow sacks with a barrow, while his scouts are laughing out loud. "Come on, Clam," Raj says putting his arm on his little buddy's shoulder, "let's go fetch some firewood." "Firewood!" Clam repeats and they head for the woods. "Hey Clam! Could you do the wagging trick again?" Raj asks. "Ah, no!" the rhino answers. "Why not?" "Clam no more dog!"


End file.
